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Posted (edited)

My beloved Granny passed away the week before Thanksgiving. My company did some unexpected restructuring, angering many people, and several managers (including my boss, who is great) have resigned. Husker football sucks. Nebrasketball sucks. Its been a tough month, guys...

Edited by dustystehl
Posted

Haven't posted in a dog's age, but have been watching this shit-show from a distance.

 

I am officially offering my services as head men's basketball coach at NU starting immediately. I will do the job for one-tenth of Hoiberg's salary and will bring my own staff and pay them myself. I will pick up the first three drunks I see in The Railyard on my way to the arena before each game, after downing four double shots myself.

 

I literally guarantee I will guide this team to consecutive fourteenth-place finishes every year I am allowed to coach. I also guarantee we will make no progress as a program which will be evident each year after the first game. If I fail then I will return all the monies I have been paid. This money can be held in a trust to ensure my ability to honor the contract should something as unthinkable as a thirteenth place finish occurs.

 

One of the primary benefits will be the liberating of the twenty-thousand or so tortured fans still reeling from the laughable football season from wasting any more time with the basketball team. My methods, you ask? Firstly, I won't bother recruiting any four or God-forbid, five-star players. This only raises expectations to unrealistic levels rather than producing any positive results, and thus hurts the beaten Husker fan even more. No, I say! I will give scholarships to every player on a Lincoln high school team each year as the scholarship limits allow. This will save the university lots of money as we won't waste money traveling on recruiting trips and the like. Next season when I take the job I will introduce the new roster. Next year I will offer scholarships to the the entire Lincoln East roster (only six seniors eligible). The following year I will offer scholarships to Southwest High seniors, etc. This supposes there are players stupid, or desperate enough to accept.... Thankfully Traudt, Sallis and Hepburn were close enough to catch a whiff of death that emanates from this corpse. (M. Abdelmassih is already slowly backing out) Having such a small roster will also save the university money. If they (the Lincoln East players) decline the offer I will gather a team from the campus, which, come to think of it, is a better plan- that way the university won't have to spend any money on scholarships!

 

Please consider this offer.

 

 

 

 

Posted
  On 12/8/2021 at 1:34 AM, dustystehl said:

My beloved Granny passed away the week before Thanksgiving. My company did some unexpected restructuring, angering many people, and several managers (including my boss, who is great) have resigned. Husker football sucks. Nebrasketball sucks. Its been a tough month, guys...

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Condolences. Sports is nothing in the context of real life, but we look to it as a break from the pandemic, politics, work, and family challenges. These last 3-4 years of Husker ball has been no break at all.

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